Bad Mommy

Dear Ava,

After putting you to bed tonight, I decided to look deep within myself and try to determine if it was you going through the "terrible three" age or if it was me being shorter tempered then normal. I realized that every since Vaughan was born, my life is a lot busier than I expected it to be and what what patience I did have is now gone simply because I feel like I have to survive the day. Even as an adult, there is always something to be learned. I am 32 years old and I still have to learn patience. I have to realize that you are only 3 and not expect you too much out of you. How can I be a good mother if I can't stop, take a deep breath, be present in the moment and appreciate the time that I have with you. I constantly say that it seems like just yesterday that I brought you home and now almost 4 years have past. It is now my mission, and goal to forget about the "things to do list" and put you and Vaughan first and foremost. I will make it my daily goal to get down on the floor, be silly, play games and do much more with you. When you are frustrated I will really try to stop and explain things to you instead of raising my voice. I do not want you to remember me as the mom who never stopped screaming but rather the mom who thought about your feelings and provided a loving and nurturing home for you. Always remember this, I love you with all of my heart and always will. I am so sorry for being a bad mommy.

Love
Mommy.